i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
