It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
