Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
