o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there was a trapeze. enough said
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
