at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
