Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
