Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
