Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
