gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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