My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
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and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
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It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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