dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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