I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
