I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
