And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
