Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
