i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
