I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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