Where are you?
In a non slutty way
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
