My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
