operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
