They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
