You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
