ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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