so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
