I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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