Quick, to the slutcave!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
a search helicopter?!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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