just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
