I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
