there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
