you're like a bully in the Christmas story
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
