Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
