She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
