You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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