I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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