Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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