Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
