All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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