WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
