We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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