What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
