Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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