I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
