I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
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Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
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I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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