funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
