I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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