omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
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There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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