i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
