she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
