my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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