if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
