so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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