Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
