I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
