Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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