Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
