5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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