people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
