My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize