She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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