I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
