taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
