I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
