You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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