Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
