Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
