my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
