what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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