Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
