I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize